“Mom, I just need some more time….”
These are my son Jamison’s 7 magic words. Words that slow me down and draw me back from my own rushed agenda back into his pace, a much, much slower pace than I am used to.
Twelve years ago I sat in the neurologist’s office desperately seeking an answer as to why my bubbly toddler had stopped doing all the darling things we had celebrated over the past three years. Why didn’t he like to be kissed anymore? Why won’t he eat things that are not yellow? What happened to his 200 word vocabulary? And while we are asking… why does he now vomit each time we enter the grocery store? And why does he scream at the top of his lungs at the sight of our garage door? Why does he crawl into the closet and rock back and forth for hours on end?
Their answer was Autism….
But there were no other answers…..no known cause, no cure, no promises that things would get better.
They did offer us a journey to Neverland…”The sooner you grieve your hopes for having a normal child the better it will be” He will most likely “never”…have a conversation with you, potty train, have friendships, graduate, live on his own….
As we were leaving the office in a traumatized daze the staff tried to offer words of comfort “We don’t believe this is hereditary so your other baby should be fine.”, as they pointed to my pregnant belly.
Wrong again…18 mos. later Jamison’s baby brother Levi received his membership to the Autism society as well.
What’s a mom to do? Whatever it takes! The journey began speech therapy, occupational therapy, behavioral modification training, nutrition counseling, support groups and much more times two.
Over the next twelve years being my sons’ advocate has been my full time job. It has been the most challenging endeavor I have ever experienced. My life has been altered in ways I could have never imagined and I am….GRATEFUL. I have learned more from my sons then I believe they will ever learn from me.
In 2010, the boys and I were in a serious car accident. Two months after the accident I became a single mom. We had to leave the only home the boys had ever known. Live in a new place with new smells and sounds and people. Not an easy task for kiddos battling Autism. Upon entering our new condo Jamison found the closet in his new bedroom right away he went in and shut the door tight. After signing final move in papers I went to him and opened the door a small crack
“Are you ok Buddy?”
He stared at the floor “Close the door please.”
“Do you like your new room? This is a nice big closet.”
“Need more time, Mom.”
Sure enough after an hour he came out and was ready for the next step to our new life.
Fast forward to the end of Jamison’s 6th grade year…my heart sank as I read his final assessments and learned he was still very behind in all subjects. His reading was the lowest at a 3rd grade level. Going against abundant criticism I decided to homeschool Jamison through Jr. High. His teachers advised against it saying I was over zealous and that he would miss out on so many important social aspects of public school. The last advice they gave, “Don’t push him too hard or he will regress in learning, only have him advance one reading level per year.” But if I were to do that he would never catch up…how would he be ready for High School in two years?
“He is always going to be behind in life, that is just how it is for kids with Autism. But be encouraged even if he doesn’t advance much he is at a good reading level to work at Target.”
I love Target and the boys and I have good times there several times a month, and the people who work there are very nice. I can even say I wouldn’t mind if Jamison’s first job is at Target BUT…how on Earth can a 6th grade teacher determine my son’s whole future on his low reading levels at 12 years old?
How could I work and home school? I decided to rent out my bedroom to a good friend whose lease was up, but needed 6 mos. to secure an out of state job. I moved into the boys room which thrilled them because it meant they got bunk beds.
We jumped in with both feet first and Jamison worked very hard at home school. He thrived with the one to one teaching especially in a quiet home environment. He was able to complete all of his assignments, though it took almost twice as long as I planned each day. During 8th grade I had him work with a special needs tutor and a speech therapist to help with social issues. This gave him opportunities to adjust to other teaching styles and learning settings. It gave me the opportunity to start cleaning neighbor’s houses to supplement my income after my friend moved out and my landlord raised the rent $150 a month.
We prepared to enroll him back into public school and talked about touring the local high schools in our city. I explained that he would be able to choose which one he liked best due to our districts open enrollment policy.
“I’m not ready mom. I need more time.” He ended up being home schooled in 9th grade as well and thrived at grade level online curriculum. He also took Tennis lessons and Art classes, both of his teachers raved about what a sweet boy he was and his tenacious work ethic….the only thing is he just needs more time to learn the skill. Everyone commented on how articulate he had become and his confidence was stronger than ever. My neighbors were great and allowed us to use their wifi so I could house clean while Jamison came along. He worked independently about half the time and my clients were at work so all they cared about was if their house was clean at the end of the day. He liked coming to work with me, he said it was like high school because he changed classrooms. At the end of the day we both got our work done….we just needed a little more time.
Back in public school….much to our surprise he scored very high on the entrance exams and did not need to be placed into Special Ed classes. He qualified for college prep! 4000 students roaming around, yelling, jumping and all the other normal things teenagers do, Jamison was completely overwhelmed. He comes home exhausted. We work on his homework for 6-7 hours each night. Everything takes him so long. I would catch him erasing and rewriting the same sentence 4-5 times in his notetaking… In absolute frustration I asked “Jamison, why do you keep erasing and rewriting? This is why it is taking you so long to complete your homework.”
“Because Mom I am capable to do better, just give me a little more time.”
His report card was full of A’s and B’s
You think I would just relax and be thrilled with his progress….I am, but I still find myself several times a week rushing the boys in the morning. “Come on guys I have to go to work and it is raining, let’s hustle we need extra time to get you to school. I woke you up early….for goodness sakes what is taking you so long?!” And some mornings it is probably not that nice.
Jamison is never rushed, no matter how much I fuss. He patiently explains that he does better moving slow and reminds me that he does not like to be rushed. Then he adds with a smile “When are you going to learn Mom?”
I have no idea.
December 23 we found ourselves in another brain doctor’s office after a 3 month search for answers as to why Jamison’s forehead was protruding. His brow bone looked as if it were beginning to fold over onto his eyes. I asked the orthodontist if it could be from the dramatic jaw repositioning taking place the past year…she assured me no. Through the HMO we saw many doctors and got referred slowly to many more. I was not prepared for the words “Your son has a brain tumor and we must operate within a  few weeks.” The words following the initial blow sounded a bit like the teacher’s voice in a Charlie Brown cartoon….blah, blah, been there for two years…Gigantism…blah ,blah the damage is now affecting his heart, liver, thyroid and, and ,and, and we can’t wait…his eyesight is being affected….blah…blood transfusion sign here….you will have to meet with all four surgeons….blahhhh. Merry Christmas.
But doctor you don’t understand…he has been through so much, he has already worked so hard, he is getting A’s and B’s and eats lunch with the cheerleaders…he is not in special ed anymore, he made it through the storm…it has been a 12 year storm. The clouds just cleared, we were dancing in the sunshine…are you sure?
Yep, El Nino is coming.
And it did that night after the boys were in bed a torrential out pouring of a mother’s tears….all night long.
What is a mom to do?
Whatever it takes…
I have recently learned it will take a lot. Along with the dozens of doctor appointments for surgery prep, and medical clearance, we have to attend pain management classes, after care classes, I have to take 3 online classes about risks, anesthesia, and at home recovery or they will not release my son to me after he is released from the hospital. Because of the extreme vulnerability to infection our home has to be free of pets….they will have to be boarded for at least 8 weeks….then our home has to be deep cleaned. Walls, Air ducts, carpets, tile, upholstery, bedding, new pillows, mattress covers, everything.
It will be a 4-5 hour surgery, he will have to remain in the hospital as long as he has a drain tube in his spinal column for excess brain fluid and they can assure he is safe from bleeding out or clots.
My mind races as I think of my other young warrior…who will care for my other son? How will he react to all this change? My siblings are not able to leave their families, my parents each live far from me and are committed to caring for other family members with serious health issues…most of my friends are single moms themselves.
How can I work? How long will I have to take off? Where do I start?
Anxiety tried to set up camp….
The sun came up and it was a new day and I held tight to my faith. You are NOT alone.
Jamison is strong. He is courageous. He and Levi are my gifts. They are my Super Heroes!
I am not the only single mom with kids ‘overcoming the challenges of Autism’, or health issues, or financial obstacles. I am not alone unless I choose to be.
I am swallowing my pride and with a humble heart putting our story out there. It is not a tragic story, or a hopeless story. This is the beginning of the chronicles of Jamison’s journey, an invitation to inspiration.
Everyone is capable of bringing hope to another. Every small act matters, even if it is just a smile.
I am asking that you find it in your heart to give Jamison some time. He WILL get through this. He WILL heal. Knowing my son, he may want to take his time. And that is ok. Son, you take your time.
I want to be by his side through every test, every appointment, everything. I want to be able to care for Jamison and his brother Levi fully and completely for as long as it takes.
And I want to share Jamison’s journey with anyone who needs inspiration….and a little reminder
Some things just take time. Thank you for sharing yours today while reading our story. 
Michelle White